Turning Upside Down

Turning Upside Down

I’ve been meaning to blog for awhile about what’s going on in my world, but every time I start I just end up deleting.  I guess that is par for the course when you feel like everything around you is turning upside down.

Have you ever felt like you are constantly in a raging war with life? I guess that is the best possible way I can describe my thoughts.  A raging war… every single day!

Even as I start to write this, I have the compulsion to just delete and start again another day.  Although I know it may be therapeutic to get a little bit of my raging war off my chest, as I know I can’t possibly be the only one feeling the way I am.  In fact, I know thousands and thousands suffer from the same thing.  It’s called anxiety!

 

The Vicious Cycle

Interestingly enough in June, I decided that I wanted to go back to school.  I started the process to complete my bachelor’s degree in Religion with a minor in Christian Counseling.  But as with anything I’ve done over the last 3 years the inevitable happens.  Something in life blows up and it feels like the devil is standing in front of me saying, “Not so fast, lady!”

I cannot tell you how many times this has been the case with my business.  I start something great, then an illness, life crisis or something chaotic happens preventing me from following through.  Time and time again this has happened, and if I’m honest I believe it’s one of the sources that brought on some of the anxiety I’ve felt the last 6 weeks.  Although this time it really did me in.

 

Time to Cancel

The beginning of July Russ and I were set to board a plane to Thailand with our first stop in Hawaii for a few days of rest before meeting up with all of our Stampin’ Up! family. We look forward to being reunited with our friends and spending quality quiet time with them.  This year there was a change in plans.

Two days prior to the trip I felt like I had a sinus infection brewing. That turned into actually being a dental issue (the big battle I’ve had for 4 years) and there was no way flying 30+ hours was going to happen.  Telling Russ to “unpack” his suitcase was awful and I cried for days with disappointment. More disappointment in myself than anything.

Russ was amazing as any good husband should be, but how could he not be disappointed?

It was time to push past that and take care of the issue at hand.  A trip to the oral surgeon, one tooth extracted and I was hopeful the issue was cleared.

Not so fast….

4 days later that sinus infection I felt brewing was rearing its ugly head. This started a trip to the doctor, then back to the dentist and then to the doctor again. It wasn’t until about 2 weeks ago when my internal volcano finally erupted.

 

Impending Doom

I was sitting in the church nursery about two weeks ago when all of a sudden I felt really odd.  I could feel my heart rate climbing out of control and everything around me felt like it was fading. My first reaction was to jump up from my chair.  I felt like I was dying.  It was panic.  This horrible feeling of impending doom.

As awful as I felt, I couldn’t bring myself to tell the other nursery worker what was happening from sheer embarrassment. I know, ridiculous.  You don’t have to tell me that.  Thankfully, church ended quickly I grabbed my kids and we headed home. Russ had just left for a business trip that morning so I was alone with the kids.

We weren’t home 20 minutes when a friend called from church to ask if I was okay.  I guess my abnormal quick exit was a clue.  Typically I am one of the last ones to leave because of my Chatty Cathy self.  Not that day.  I ran to my car.

So here I was on the phone with my friend and I couldn’t even tell her what I was feeling.  But she could sense I wasn’t my normal self. Not long after she offered to come grab my kids.

 

Alone and Panic

After the kids left I sat to try and gather my thoughts.  Only I couldn’t do that.  In fact, I noticed my heart rate was a steady race, and I just felt like crap.  With no one around, I was starting to panic more.  My parents were just driving in from Kentucky after being away on a mission trip.  How was I going to explain this with a phone call?

Literally, as they pulled into their driveway I was calling.  My mom knew something was wrong just in my voice. They were on their way to get me.

I sat with them for a few hours before agreeing to be seen just in case this was something more than anxiety, and I’m thankful I did.

Of course with my heart rate sky high, I was quickly shuffled into a room as a cardiac patient. My heart was running a race but my feet were not.  Truly exhausting.  This is clearly why I don’t run.

I was blessed with the kindest doctor, and for once in 3 weeks I felt like someone was listening to me.  I shed many tears, and my thoughts were overcome with worry.  What if something was wrong with me? I couldn’t shake that thought.  What was happening to me? What happened to this strong girl I’ve always been?

Dr. Lucky

Even though I was scared out of my mind,  I knew God was with me every second.  Dr. Lucky (yes, that was his name) spoke with the softest voice, showed concern, held my hand and I was able to calm down.  I was also thankful to have my mother sitting next to me.

With a diagnosis of anxiety, continued sinus infection and labs drawn I was given some great meds and I was on my way home.   I followed up with my regular doctor last week and went over my labs.  That was interesting.  It appears that my hormones are in FULL swing and menopause has begun.  All I can say is poor Russ.  This probably explains why my kids are running around the house with hoodies and I’m half naked in my house.  Who knew?

 

Light at the End of the Tunnel

This past Saturday was the first day I felt GOOD in 6 weeks! It was like a Christmas miracle.  I spent 4 hours at the beach with my kids enjoying the sunshine, laughter and the kids from our youth group.  I loved every minute.

While the last 6 weeks have been extremely trying, I am thankful for a God that never leaves me. I am thankful for the love of friends who have prayed every single day, sent cards, texted, called and lifted my spirits.  The past 6 weeks felt like an eternity at times, but the light is bright at the end of my tunnel and I feel better! Now to get my cheerful self back in the groove of life and get back to my happy self.

 

Something Pretty

Lastly, I have something pretty to share.  It felt great to stamp and use products collecting dust on my shelf.  I thought I would start with a set that made me smile, Message in a Bottle.

Turning Upside Down, Message in a Bottle, Stampin' Up!

 

This set brought a smile to my face with the whimsical sea images.

Turning Upside Down, Message in a Bottle, Stampin' Up!

 

I added the gorgeous Wood Textures Designer Series Paper. I love how the planked wood looks with this set.  So pirate!  I ran the Crumb Cake cardstock through the Seaside Textured Impressions Folder and I love how this looked in the background.

 

Turning Upside Down, Message in a Bottle, Stampin' Up!

 

Lastly, one of my favorite embellishments I added to this card was the Copper Trim. I love how it pulls apart and reminded me of fish netting.

 

I hope this sheds some light on my absence.

 

Products Used

 

Price: $110.00

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Comments

  1. You are one of the bravest women I know. Because you speak the truth and that takes true courage. Thank you for your testimony and for sharing this with us. Take it slow. Don’t ramp it back to a place that will hurt you. Hugs to you.

  2. Wow! I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart that you shared your story. I have been dealing with same thing for years. I too see the beginning of a new journey. Praying for you and your family as you take this new journey. I love your card.

  3. Thank you for sharing your story, I know it couldn’t have been easy. I too suffer from anxiety and have for many years. Thankfully I have found a combination of medications that help and have a loving husband who listens. I am so thankful you are feeling better, may you continue to have days filled with sunshine and laughter! p.s I love all your creations and have missed seeing new projects lately! Keep up the great work.

  4. I am so glad you are starting to feel better, I knew you weren’t well and the lack of blogging worried me as you have always blogged no mattter what is going on in your life!!.
    Take care of yourself xxxxxx

  5. This is an amazing post and I THANK YOU for sharing your journey. It not only takes courage but it is so heart warming to read and to know that “life” throws up many curve balls.

    Hands down, YOU would be my 1st pick to have you on my Baseball Team if there were a draft! I too blog, and I find the beauty of what we do is to express who we are through what we love to do….crafting and blogging!

    Way to go and thank God that you are ok…..fabulous post and the card – OVER THE TOP!

  6. it is so difficult to reach out for help when feeling overwhelmed and depressed. . May God continue to surround you with loving family and friends and guide you through the storm.

  7. So glad to hear you are doing better and found the main cause for what was happening to you . . I missed your blogging and ideas . . I knew eventually we would hear from you . . may life treat you all well.

  8. Glad to hear that
    your light is once again shining brightly…most importantly, it never went out!

  9. Kimberly, I’m so sorry you are going through this. Anxiety is awful, & perimenopause & menopause seem to intensify it. Sending you happy thoughts & sunny days! Love your posts!! :):) xoxo<3

  10. You are so NOT alone in this anxiety. It plagues our home daily. Happy to see you’ve come out well! Beautiful card, love all of the details 🙂

  11. Thank you for your strength to share with us. So many experience anxiety and have no idea what is going on. We need to hear more from those going through it so we can help wherever we can. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers and that you will get through this with the help from your friends.

  12. Oh my heck! Those dang hormones can really run havoc on one’s life. I’m so sorry you missed Thailand. Hopefully you can make OnStage Live? Take good care of yourself.

  13. I’m so glad you had the courage to write your feelings down. It’s awful to feel as if you have to hide from something you can’t help. I will continue to pray for you and I hope the meds continue to work. Those darn hormones! I’ve been through it & it isn’t for sissies! Take care,
    Gloria

  14. So glad you are feeling better. It’s so sad what we women have to go through. I suffered with anxiety and panic attacks also, it makes you feel so lousy, but like I was told….This too shall pass, and Thank God, it’s gotten a lot better.

  15. I am so happy to see a post from you, I find your work truly inspiring. I literally started crying as I was reading your post, my heart goes out to you with your struggle. My daughter suffers from anxiety and panic attacks, I don’t personally know what it feels like but I do know what it looks like and how it can severely affect your life. I would give you a big hug if you were here!! Thinking of you and hoping for brighter days for you to come xo

  16. Kim, hang in there. A sinus infection can feel like it’s penetrating your brain and create so much pressure, you feel crazy. Plus connection between teeth and sinus can be complicate. You’ll get through this!! God’s peace be with you.

  17. Hang in there. There is a reason I check on your blog, our crazy lives do often mirror each other. I have had my own set of poop I’ve been dealing with for 4 years. Some days, prayers don’t seem like enough. Life is what it is. Sometimes ugly. I’m so sorry you have been through so much the last six weeks. I’m glad you are on the mend! Prayers for you are your family. I find it funny the hot cold thing in the house. Always amusing. Take care. Sorry you had to miss Phuket but geez, if you had made that 30 hour plane ride, only to probably have to turn around. Yikes. Crafting is still the best therapy a gal can ask for.

  18. Kimberly, what a beautifully honest post! I am a big fan of your work. You are brave to post your struggle because more often than not, everyone writes about the “happy” all the time. But life isn’t happy and perfect all the time. Only when sharing our truth do we connect in a deeper way. Anxiety is a fact of life in many lives and it’s becoming more so all the time because of the craziness of living life these days. Something has to give somewhere or we do become ill. Our bodies are telling us to get off the merry-go -round and TAKE CARE of ourselves!!!
    I hope you are feeling better but still, take care of yourself. Selfishly, I want to see you continue to create because you inspire me to try new things and I missed seeing your posts!
    Thoughts and prayers–
    Peggy

  19. So glad you’re back. Don’t feel alone life can get overwhelming. Better days are ahead. Hugs to you !!!!! Great card too… luv the copper net…. brilliant

  20. So sorry to hear all that you have been through! Disappointment about your trip but thank God you were home and not in a strange country and have to visit their hospital!!! I love your stories you are a strong and amazing woman!! Stay and sweet and loving as you are do not change. Your project is amazing and so are you! Thanks for sharing!

  21. I’ve lived with anxiety or panic attacks and they are debilitating – many years agoI didn’t leave my house for almost a year because of them. It was years ago and I was diagnosed originally with low-blood sugar even though my sugar was only slightly low. Eventually I found a doctor who knew exactly what it was and started me on anti-anxiety meds and before long I was myself again and have been for a very long time. I didn’t have to take the meds very long and knowing what these feelings were reduced my anxiety. You are on the right track and will be yourself again…hugs to you…

  22. Hi Kimberly, I came across your blog tonight, and just started saying prayers! I’m so glad you are feeling a little more back to normal, welcome to the M world!!!! You wear your heart on your sleeve, that’s why you are easy to connect with. I love that about you! Thanks for your heartfelt post, and I’ll keep saying prayers for you! I’m so encouraged that you lean on the Lord! Extra hugs, ~Lorri 🙂

  23. Hang in there, Kimberlly – you were missed and so glad you see the light at the end of the tunnel and can get back to being your self. Keeping you in my prayers –

  24. Kimberly,
    Thank you SO much for sharing your story (and not hitting the “DELETE” key)! You will never know how many people you have helped by being brave enough to share this with the world. Hugs and prayers to you!

  25. As always, I’m a big fan of yours. As a fellow demo, I always wish you the best. I’m so sorry you have been through so much. I Thank you for sharing and giving us something creative at the end. You always inspire me. But you also remind me that we are all human. Sometimes I think I’m alone in the crazy around me or going through something. I realize many of us are going through similar or have similar thoughts. Thank You and God bless you and your family. Please, when you have time, keep sharing your creativity.

  26. I’m so glad you’re better, and can relate to your health problems, but my tooth was a year ago, with my husband recovering from heart stint surgery. The first of Oct this year I also got sick and am just now today, feeling like I’m going to get well. I had a sinus infection then the flu on top of that. There’s been a lot of people suffering from these symptoms all over the US, which makes me wonder, what is going on?
    Plus I also feel the same way you do about the devil trying to stop me doing the things I love, and too I won’t give up. You’ve given me strength to carry on! So today I Will create! Thanks again for sharing your feelings. Remember you’re not in this alone! May God Bless! AND I Love your Work!!

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